An honest blog post…

It’s not very trendy to say you don’t like who you are.  But sod it, I’ve had nearly a whole bottle of wine and I’m in the mood for honesty.  Most of the time (minus wine) I’m pretty happy with my lot – but there are times when I look back at the day and cringe at the shy, socially awkward, floundering version of me who’s come across yet again as an inarticulate idiot despite the fact that my brain is absolutely buzzing with ideas.  It seems the connection between mind and mouth has a habit of failing me just when I most need it to function – like today when I should have been impressing my new boss, the man who has my career in his hands, but instead quite probably left him wondering who gave that imbecile her job in the first place…

That’s when my books save me.  I don’t have to interact or make a good impression, I can just be – the happy inhabitant of another world where no-one judges me and I can become an active yet invisible participant.  Tonight I’ve travelled to 1950s New England and Victorian Broadstairs and have felt utterly at home in both; how else but with a book can you slip between worlds that welcome you with open arms and ask no questions before they let you in?  Don’t get me wrong, I love other people, and if I ever have a long afternoon of office admin you can guarantee I’ll be popping out to get cups of tea and have essential chats with my colleagues – but the curse of worrying how you come across to others and scuppering yourself in the process is a hard one to bear.  I sometimes wonder if I didn’t read, how would I get any respite from the strains of the real world?  I used to watch a lot of movies but they never transported me out of myself the way a book can.  Without exception, all the people I know who’ve suffered with social anxiety or other similar issues have been big readers, and I don’t think that’s a coincidence.  All any of us long for, I think, is to belong; we’re all searching for others with whom we feel an affinity.  I have great friends and the best family you could ask for – but I also have hundreds of people and places within the pages of all the beautiful books that line my shelves, and no matter how dreadful my day, they’re right there beside me whenever I need them.

I know I haven’t blogged for a while, but today has reminded me why I do it – because reading is a gift, and one that I want to celebrate with others whenever I can.  So pick up a book, read it and share it with everyone!  Happy reading!

img_20161125_203613

Advertisements

6 thoughts on “An honest blog post…

  1. I love this, Juliet. I honor how raw and real it is, how much I, at least, can resonate with it. In a world that seemingly celebrates extroverts, its reassuring to hear the inward thoughts of an introvert. You write beautifully. Breath-takingly. And I’m sure you have your books to thank in part for that. I admire the subject, the strength it took to share (with or without the vino:-) and I admire the Girl, reading who wrote it. This world needs more compassionate, deep-thinking introverts, sensitive and intuitive. Celebrate exactly who you are, because the world is richer for you.

    Like

    1. Thank you so much for your generous words. For a short while after I’d posted this I wondered if it was a mistake to be so open but the encouragement I’ve had in response has been amazing. People like yourself who write so honestly and with such integrity about their very personal experiences are an inspiration to me and many others I’m sure – keep doing what you do and giving others the courage to share the workings of their inner world, good and bad.

      Like

  2. What a relatable post! This is one of the reasons I love books too… I can escape & live in another world with zero effort on my part. I am a little socially awkward at times too, and often play scenarios over and over thinking of ways I could have handled it differently or said something different. I’m sorry you had a bad day at work 😦

    Liked by 1 person

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s